XO

Kisses, she said. Oh hugs and kisses. I haven’t seen you in forever, John. Forever! How are you, really? Tell me. You don’t have to lie to me, John. Tell me how you’re doing. If you want to say shitty as hell, then say it. I won’t mind. Just tell me without thinking. You’re fine? After what happened to you? I’m glad to hear. I’m sure you’ve felt terrible for so long and now things are evening out. I’m glad to hear. If I were you I’d want a good long cry every day. But that’s me. I’m a big baby. 

I’d be sitting in my bed surrounded by snotty little tissues just wailing my heart out. If I ever lost Smitty, God forbid. But I’m glad you’re out and about. It’s good to see a movie. Take your mind off it. It’s good to forget. I’ve taken that to heart. I’ve been forgetting everything. But here’s the good thing about forgetting, darling. You might forget things you need or good memories, but you forget all the times you made a complete fool out of yourself. I had plenty of those memories, and boy am I glad to be rid of them. Up to a point.

My mother, oh God, my mother. Did I tell you? She has severe dementia. She doesn’t know who I am. That’s been difficult. And I feel so guilty. She’s all the way in Sacramento and I’m all the way here. Thank God for Randy. He still lives there. He’s such a sweet soul. God bless him. I don’t know why he never married. I asked him, Are you gay? Just tell me if you are. He said no. Some people are just bachelors. There’s just that bachelor “feel” about them. They’ll always be bachelors. That’s Randy. But he visits mama every week. I love him for that. What movie are you seeing? Oh that’s a good one. Saw that last week. It’s terrific. Let’s get coffee after. My treat. I have so much to tell you. Let me hug you one more time. It’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay, you know that right?