I am in Paris this week with my lovely wife. There are so many wonderful things about Paris. Let me tell you after I finish my cigarette and croissant.
1. The best part of going to Paris is telling people you are going to Paris, telling people you are in Paris, and after you leave, telling people you went to Paris. Say it causally offhand. "So when I was in Paris last week I realized I don't think I could ever give up bread, you know. Never."
2. The bread. Okay, it's really good. Plus it's fun to say baguette and croissant.
3. The fromage. I'm sorry I forgot the English word. But the fromage is so wonderful I just want to eat it all and go into a fromage shop and breathe deeply oh mon dieu, I've forgotten all my English words. I only speak fromage now.
4. Pain au chocolate. Bread and chocolate. One of the best combinations ever. The only thing better would be to add some cheese. Which is why I always eat a wheel of Brie with my pain au chocolate.
5. I can practice my French. It's really good. I can say baguette and croissant.
6. Wine. It's only two euros for a bottle. You can buy it in the grocery store along with some vodka. Get some when you buy a baguette and fromage. Take it back to your hotel room and eat and drink until you pass out in bed.
7. The Eiffel Tower. It's tall. Tall things make me feel less alone in this world.
8. Museums. Because it would be hard to fit Monet's Water Lilies cycle in your dining room. Though that would be a pretty cool dining room.
9. Cafes. Coffee, cigarettes, and croissants. That's my diet now. I hope to live another week.
10. Strolling. It's nice to stroll arm-in-arm down the gravel paths under the trees, all planted in straight rows. When the old Parisian man I just met doesn't want to stroll with me I just pick out another. One minute, wife, I just wanted to practice some strolling. I'll be ready for you in a minute.