36 Questions to Get a Stranger to Fall in Love With You

36 Questions to Get a Stranger to Fall in Love With You

Can intimacy develop between two people by just asking questions?

The answer is yes. 

A study by the psychologist Arthur Aron and others came up with thirty-six questions (some with multiple parts) broken up into three sets, each set designed to probe deeper and deeper.

These questions are meant to allow vulnerability and openness, both necessary for intimacy and closeness. 

After you ask these questions stare into the other person's eyes for ten minutes. Do not look away or blink.

This is especially good for delayed subway rides, a great time to fall in love.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Who would do the dishes after?

2. Would you like to be famous? How famous?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Do you sweat? How much sweat?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you if we both called off work after this subway ride?

5. When did you last sing to your cat? How much did he/she like it?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old Brittney Spears for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Does it involve eating chocolate? Why not?

8. Name three things you and your new friend on the subway appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful about me?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Why didn't you say having me in your life sooner?

11. Take four minutes and tell your new subway friend your life story in as much detail as possible. Leave out the boring parts.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Do you feel like a failure?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life up to the age of five?

16. What do you value most in a friendship with me?

17. What is your most treasured memory of me?

18. What is your most terrible memory of me?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? 

20. What does my friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life with people you meet on the subway?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your new friend in the subway. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about my relationship with my mother?


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share this chocolate croissant..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with this person you just met on the subway asking you all these questions, please share what would be important for them to know.

28. Tell your new friend on the subway what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met, like, your hair looks great, or I love the way you smell, or your breath is very fresh.

29. Share with your new friend on the subway an embarrassing moment in their life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? Why are you crying now?

31. Tell your new friend on the subway something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told your new friend on the subway? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most delightful? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your new friend's advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your new friend to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem. Then hug. It's cool. You are super in love now and will definitely spend the rest of your lives together.