I am an expert in Feng Shui.
After attending a one-day conference last year about Feng Shui and reading (okay, skimming) a couple books and websites, as a white male I feel very confident in offering some important advice about this ancient Chinese practice. Everyone, quiet please, I’m talking now.
What is Feng Shui?
Feng Shui, which translates as wind-water, is an ancient Chinese discipline going back thousands of years.
Initially used to identify safe places where families would be able to live and flourish as well the most appropriate burial sites for relatives, it has also been used to site palaces, important public and private buildings, and monuments.
While Feng Shui is integral to Chinese culture, Feng Shui really comes alive when we adapt it to Western Culture and the needs of White People.
Just as the Chinese famously used Feng Shui to their advantage in Hong Kong in the construction of the Bank of China building, so we can use Feng Shui in our homes and offices to get an advantage over our fellow human beings a.k.a. competitors in life.
Activate Your Wealth Corner
In various sects of Feng Shui, the wealth corner (also called fortunate blessings or the money area), is the top left corner of the house (when you’re entering from the doorway).
Purple is a good color for this area. Ideally wood should be used.
A good way to activate the wealth corner is to put some movement, maybe an aquarium with an active and happy fish. But my favorite way to activate the wealth area is a hamster and hamster wheel.
The hamster wheel should be purple and made of wood.
Watch that hamster run, and the money come pouring in.
Ideally it’s best to have four or five hamster wheels in that corner to fully maximize your wealth. Make sure you keep it clean and tidy. Don’t let the hamster shit all over your wealth.
Spice Things Up in the Bedroom
Looking for love? Or have love and want to keep it passionate?
Use lots of red in the bedroom.
Paint the walls red, have red sheets and a red duvet, and dye your hair red.
Also make sure the bed is in the power position, which means a clear line of sight (but not directly in front) of the bedroom door and windows.
Historically the power position was important since you could see attackers come in the entry ways. In our scenario, it's key so you can be aware of people who come in through the door.
Which is super helpful because if you put red in your bedroom you’re going to get a lot of people coming through, if you know what I mean.
Gael García Bernal, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to come on Wednesdays before 6pm. Okay, let’s make it quick.
Promote Growth and Vibrant Health
The fire element is essential to a properly Feng Shui’d home.
Fire brings energy, fuels passion, and inspires creativity. Ideally all homes will have a fireplace.
Don’t have one now? Build one.
There are several do-it-yourself Youtube videos that are a great guide to this fun weekend project. (For legal reasons I cannot link to them.)
If building a fireplace is simply out of the question—lame!—use hundreds of candles grouped together.
Sit back with a cup of herbal tea and enjoy the fiery hues and shadows dancing up your wall.
Become More Fluid with Water
The water element in your home is so, so, so, so important.
It's all about abundance and staying flexible and fluid so you can navigate effortlessly around life's obstacles.
Ideally you will have water elements (or pictures, or just blue things) in key parts of your home. I like having a ten-foot waterfall in my living room.
If you're looking to save money, as with the fireplace, build it yourself. It's worth it, as it adds so much Feng Shui power to your home.
Get Rid of the Clutter
I should have mentioned this first, but clutter is a big no-no in Feng Shui.
Seriously, it's really important.
Clutter is a drag on energy.
Clutter causes chi, or life force, to slow down as it flows around the apartment. This is especially true in what's called the "Feng Shui trinity:" the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.
It's super important to keep all these areas clean and clutter free. In fact, I prefer to not have anything in any of these rooms.
If anyone has anymore question about Feng Shui relating to love, career, the best burial site for a dead relative, please let me know. My hourly rates are not reasonable at all.