I got my sexy pants. I look at myself in the mirror. Damn they’re sexy. Front, back. Both sides are sexy. I am ready to party. I am ready to be the “life of the party.” The “vita del partito,” as the Italians say. I cannot wait to party. I cannot wait to “get it started.” Once I “get it started” there’s no telling “when I’ll finish.” These pants are magic. My magic sexy pants. They’ve always been good to me. Always. So many parties with these pants. I’d be lost without these sexy, magic pants. I’d be sad. I’d be depressed. I couldn’t go on. One last look. Sexy pants, don’t let me down. Sexy pants, you are so sexy.